Five Things the Enemy Uses to “Gnaw” At Your Spouse

Over the course of 21 years, my wife (Mandy) and I have had an opportunity to provide pastoral guidance for several couples. Unfortunately, despite our best attempts, some of these couples still decided to walk away from each other. In review of the situations when things just didn't work out, our collective observation has been that often the couples had something "eating away" at them -- "gnawing" at the foundation of their relationship. Over time, these “little foxes” left uncaught grew to ruin the meaningfulness of the connection between the two. The issue(s) eventually became so significant that neither the husband nor wife felt the relationship was worth fighting for any longer. Sadly, over and over again, we have heard the cry of the same little foxes coming from different relationships. Names and faces have changed many times but the issues have stayed the same.

So, please hear this clearly, LITTLE foxes are a BIG deal! They can destroy any meaningful relationship. Recently, in reflection upon this reality, I generated a list of the top five "foxes" that I’ve repeatedly discovered in the vineyards of relationships. These five things just seem to "gnaw" at people, to the point that many eventually say, “I just can’t deal with this anymore!" or "I’m done!”

In no particular order:

1. Financial Disagreements

At first, it’s just a disagreement about whether to rent or buy a home, purchase a new car or a used car, take a big vacation or stay home all Summer. But if you repetitively ignore the tension, and little foxes remain loose, things can get intense quickly. We’ve heard of everything from secret credit cards with $20,000 maxed out balances at 26% interest to hidden bass boats docked in a marina. It can start so small initially. But small debt becomes big debt when the enemy is "uncaught" and gnawing away at our minds -- falsely convincing us of everything we are entitled to call our own, regardless of our partner’s opinion.

2. Lack of Sexual Satisfaction

It starts with differences regarding stylistic or frequency preferences in the bedroom. But unharbored, the gnawing of discontentment can lead to flirtatiousness towards other people, pornographic exploration, or complete betrayal. If allowed, the enemy will come in and keep chewing until he has destroyed any remaining meaningfulness within the relationship!

3. In-Laws Overreaching

This fox usually gains entry through the gate of good intentions. For example, a set of in-laws cares a lot about their child, and they have strong opinions about what is best for their side of the family. But this little fox can chew quickly. Frustration develops, and distance from a critical support system occurs. Often, as the gnawing intensifies, ungodly counsel from unhealthy third-party advisors becomes a reality, and the enemy takes full aim at destroying the relationship.

4. Lack of Special Moments

Honestly, we may have heard this one more than any other. This fox's whine sounds like “he used to do the little things” or “she's always with the kids.” And it gets loose because couples become too busy to lean into one another which then leads to a lack of value and lost romance in the relationship. Instead, we must take time to nurture the special moments in our relationships.

5. Lack of Appreciation for the Little Things

All of us want to be edified, encouraged, and affirmed -- a LOT! Unfortunately, this means we are unlikely to be intentional about meeting these emotional needs for our spouse in a meaningful way. The reason is that humanity tends to give the least of the things we desire the most. The sad reality then becomes that failing to affirm our “special someone” can give place in their life to the gnawing effects of a lack of appreciation. Soon, attitudes like vindictiveness, anger, and lashing out begin to make noise in the relationship. So, it’s essential to appreciate and acknowledge the little things that your spouse does for you, and continue doing the little things for them!

If one or more of these fox bites are "gnawing" at you or your spouse -- chewing away at your heart and mind -- do not be discouraged. You can catch the foxes! And we will talk more about it in my next post.

For the moment, I leave you this encouragement:

Then Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, took torches, turned the foxes tail to tail, and put a torch between each pair of tails. When he had set the torches on fire, he let the foxes go into the standing grain of the Philistines and burned up both the shocks and the standing grain, as well as the vineyards and olive groves. -Judges 15:4-5 (NKJV)

Samson caught the foxes.

Initially, he was distraught with the Philistines and wanted to bring demise upon them. So he took three hundred foxes and tied their tails together with torches in-between. He then set the torches on fire and released the bound and on-fire foxes into the Philistines fields that were ready for reaping. In so doing, he plundered hell’s harvest and brought destruction to his enemy so that God's Kingdom could be advanced. The bottom line: Samson made the foxes work for him, not against him. And with God's help, so can you!

We must catch and bind up the little foxes that try to destroy our meaningful relationships. It’s the little things that appear in our marriages that the enemy will use to destroy them. But when we acknowledge the little foxes, we can overcome them!

I invite you to view this message in its entirety at this link: https://youtu.be/s9gactgmBc0

WATCH IT | DISCUSSION GUIDE| MESSAGE NOTES

We want to connect with you and help you take your next steps!

1. Do you have a relationship with Jesus? This decision is the first step in receiving peace in your life. If you are ready to give your life to Jesus, we would love to celebrate with you at 3trees.com.

2. Do you need to rededicate your life to Jesus? If yes, please connect with us at 3trees.com.

3. Do you feel God prompting you to take your next steps? If yes, BEGIN is waiting for you! You can walk through our ONLINE BEGIN class at 3trees.com/begin

4. Would you like to make a difference in our community? Join our captivate team! Visit 3trees.com to find out how you can participate in community outreach opportunities.

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These Two Things Will Destroy Meaningful Connections in Your Life

As a child in rural Creelsboro, Kentucky, I vividly remember working in the family garden on Saturday mornings. Each year the garden seemed to expand in territory, and it was my job to help plant new seeds, weed, and till. Six years ago, after relocating to the area of my childhood home, nostalgia hit me. I desired a garden of my own! Unfortunately, things didn't go so well.

Everything that I planted was eaten up; as soon as stalks sprouted from the ground and began showing life they would be gobbled up. It was incredibly frustrating to see my attempts at productivity be eaten away by pests! So frustrated that I quit. I just let the deer and rabbits have all my work and I once again began my treks to the local grocery store’s produce aisle.

I wonder if your spiritual journey is likened unto my gardening. You are putting in the work. You're being intentional about leaning into God. But it feels like before you start to see things come to fruition, the harvest is eaten up. You know it is hindering what God wants to do in your life. And you’re frustrated.

Notice this verse:

Catch us the foxes, The little foxes that spoil the vines, For our vines have tender grapes.-Song of Solomon 2:15 (NKJV)

Three things stick out, foxes, vines, and fruit. And the context for this verse in The Song of Solomon seems to imply that the concept of fruitful vines in a vineyard is most likely referring to the blossoming of an intimate relationship.(1) Specifically, the bed of marriage. And with this contextual application, we learn that Solomon implies little foxes can spoil or hinder the meaningful connection of a marital relationship. To avoid this damage to the relationship’s fruitfulness, we have to catch the little foxes! (2)

Moving beyond the metaphor and stating it bluntly, the meaningfulness of the relationship is being hindered by the “little things” that keep happening.

What are the little foxes? In this verse, they are best described as a general threat or something that holds the relationship back from thriving like it could or should, something that is detrimental to the relationship. (3)

In some middle eastern countries, little foxes still physically destroy vineyards.(4) For example, in Palestine, there are watch teams for foxes at many vineyards. They are that harmful.

In the Bible, foxes are not viewed positively. Typically, throughout Scripture, foxes (used interchangeably with jackals) are depicted as sly and harmful (Ref. Neh. 4:3 and Lam. 4:18).(5) Foxes eat away and destroy fruitfulness. Collectively, Bible scholars seem to consider them guileful, and Tremper Longman goes as far as to say they are to be viewed through the biblical lens “as cunning as a serpent.” (6)

Thankfully, Song of Solomon 2:15 gives us instructions for catching little foxes that spoil the vineyard. Indicating we are to catch the little things that come into our lives to destroy our meaningful relationships. Most specifically, the relationship we have with our spouse. Because the prophetic warning is clear, something little, sly, and harmful can creep in – and if you don’t catch it – it can spoil your entire relationship!

I recently read of a gardener’s struggle with developing a flower garden. As it began to take shape and blossoming began, he encountered two pests.

First, the vole. These yard pests look a lot like mice, but they create tunnels underground and eat the roots of your plants. This issue makes them more aggravating than moles because moles eat mostly worms. (7) Gardeners say you can tell you have voles if you watch plants fall over easily because they have no roots to keep them in place. (8) Voles are root-killers!

Secondly, the rabbits showed up. Rabbits constantly eat the leaves, flowers, and buds off of plants, deterring any types of growth from happening. I learned of one family that had just planted a Purple Heart plant and every day it would grow a couple of flowers. Like clockwork, the bunnies would eat the flower during the day. However, every morning when we woke up there would be a new flower and the whole cycle would start over.

Ironically, the fox is both vole and rabbit combined. He is a root-killer and a fruit-killer! The fox gnaws or chews on the vine’s stem at ground level until it is completely broken off from the root. Root-killer! Likewise, the fox loves tender fruit and will devour it at the first opportunity. Fruit-killer!

Spiritually, you could think of root-killers in this way:

• Unconfessed and Unrepented Sin.

You convince yourself, “it’s not that big of a deal.” The result of this mentality is that you stop repenting. The sin stops bothering you. In such an environment, where conviction is absent, little things become big things quickly. For example, maybe you just had a lingering eye, but now it’s turned into adultery. Or maybe at first, you just skimmed a little off your taxes, but now you're looking for ways to fully steal from a business partner or cheat the system completely. The enemy shows up in our lives with just a little bit of stealing until he moves into a whole lot of killing because he desires to bring absolute destruction to your life!

These little foxes keep chewing and gnawing away at the meaningfulness of your connection with God until you are overwhelmed with condemnation, guilt, and shame, even though you probably won’t admit what you’re dealing with publicly.

FRUIT KILLERS:

• Hurts, bad habits, and hang-ups

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such, there is no law. -Galatians 5:22-23

God wants to do fruitful work in your life, but you have to be connected to Him for this to happen. Getting the foxes off the roots allows for the connection to be maintained. But, don’t think the fight of faith is over there. The enemy is still coming for your fruit!

The enemy wants to chew away at your fruit by bringing disruption to your harvest of peace, bitterness to your willingness to love, and anxiety to your longsuffering. You’re not battling one fox – you’re fighting “foxes!”

We must catch the root killers and the fruit killers. The little things. The spiritual foxes! If you don't catch them, both root and fruit will be damaged in your life – ruining your most meaningful relationships. Maybe even damaging the meaningfulness of your connection with Jesus Christ.

I invite you to view this message in its entirety at this link: https://youtu.be/s9gactgmBc0

WATCH IT | DISCUSSION GUIDE| MESSAGE NOTES

We want to connect with you and help you take your next steps!

1. Do you have a relationship with Jesus? This decision is the first step in receiving peace in your life. If you are ready to give your life to Jesus, we would love to celebrate with you at 3trees.com.

2. Do you need to rededicate your life to Jesus? If yes, please connect with us at 3trees.com.

3. Do you feel God prompting you to take your next steps? If yes, BEGIN is waiting for you! You can walk through our ONLINE BEGIN class at 3trees.com/begin

4. Would you like to make a difference in our community? Join our captivate team! Visit 3trees.com to find out how you can participate in community outreach opportunities.

5. Subscribe to EricGilbert.org using this link:https://www.ericgilbert.org/subscribe. You'll be able to receive updates directly to your email inbox as we post blogs every Monday, Thursday, and Friday morning.

---

(1) Gianni Barbiero, Song of Songs, 118.

(2) Tremper Longman, Song of Songs, 111.

(3) Tommy Nelson, The Book of Romance: What Solomon Says About Love, Sex, and Intimacy, (Nashville, TN.: T. Nelson, 1998), 62.

(4) Gianni Barbiero, Song of Songs, (The Netherlands: Brill, 2011), 118.

(5) Paul J. Achtemeier, Harper's Bible Dictionary, (San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1985), 321.

(6) Tremper Longman, Song of Songs, (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2001), 110.

(7) Kathy Van Mullekom, “Catch the Voles That Love to Eat Your Plant Roots”, January 5, 2005, https://www.dailypress.com/news/dp-xpm-20050130-2005-01-30-0501280279-story.html

(8) Van Mullekom, “Catch the Voles”.

When to Move Forward & When to Stand Still

My wife, Mandy, and I have two kids, a 16-year-old daughter and a 14-year-old son. They’re very different. But, neither of them can sit still. And, they’ve almost always been that way. For instance, from the time our son was about seven months old until he turned 18 months old, we’re not sure if he ever slept a single night all the way through. Even in everyday moments, he was fidgety. Taking him to a sitting that required a child to be still was like wrestling an alligator! And, now at fourteen, he still is moving all the time. His hands, his feet, his body, or his mind – he can’t sit still!

If you’ve raised any children, you can probably relate to some degree in one way or the other. But, as well, I think all of us struggle with “stillness” in our own way. We’ve all got something child-like going on in our life spiritually when it comes to being still. In some way, I think it is probably directly connected to the enemy’s work in our life. And, here’s why.

One of the MOST FAMOUS passages in the Bible reminds us of the need for STILLNESS:

And Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand STILL, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will accomplish for you today... 14 The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.” Exodus 14:13–14 (NKJV)

Notice, “Do not be afraid.” The implication is that there is something present to fear. But, when we're afraid, the last thing we want to do is stand still. But, I believe one of the things that God is communicating in this passage of Scripture is that you display that you have overcome fear by standing still when there is reason to fear. In other words, don’t run away from your enemy, just to be running. Trust God!

However, there is the potential to get confused in this text because of how the passage reads. In the context of verses 13 and 14, God is telling them to stand still, but in the very next verse, Exodus 14:15, the Lord tells them to GO FORWARD.

And the Lord said to Moses, “Why do you cry to Me? Tell the children of Israel to go forward. Exodus 14:15 (NKJV)

Lord, I need clarity. I thought you just told me to stand still, and now you're telling me to go forward. God, which one is it that you want from me? Do you want me to stand still, or do you want me to go forward?”

If we were honest, many of us are in that same place of tension in our walk with God. We're not sure if we should stand still or keep moving. But, let’s unpackage it for a moment. If you look further into Scripture, you will find God says more than once, “Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.” 2 Chronicles 20:17 also has this exact wording.

You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand STILL and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you… Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the Lord is with you.” 2 Chronicles 20:17–21 (NKJV)

Just like, in the context of the passage, we can see the promise God shared with his people in Exodus 14, he is also decreeing in 2 Chronicles 20: his people will not need to fight their battle! Instead, they will get to stand still and see the salvation of the Lord. So, when we put the two passages together, we begin to see a couple of things that match the character of God’s directives: 1) There is a time to go forward. 2) There is a time to stand still.

The purpose of going forward in association with God’s command is so that you can reposition yourself into the vantage point and placement that he prefers for your life. You’re going to get to “see” something! But the main reason God requires repositioning is because he intends to fight for you.

So, how do we know when it's time to be still?

One of the ways it becomes evident it's time to stand still is when we can evaluate our life and determine the only reason we are still moving is that we fear something that is chasing us. God has not given you that spirit or attitude. And, if you are running from relationship to relationship or job to job because you fear betrayal, relapse, or the bite of bitterness, then it may be time to stand still. Ask yourself, “Am I still moving forward because it is a clear instruction from God, or am I doing it because I'm running from something?”

The Israelites needed to go forward because the Egyptian’s had released them from captivity. But, once they started to move forward, they quickly found themselves with a mountain on each side of them and the Red Sea in front of them. If you are familiar with the story, you know that they were trapped. As a result, God parted the Red Sea, and the Israelites walked across on dry ground, escaping impending doom in the process. But, this place in the story is where things get increasingly interesting. Even though the Hebrew people were now on the other side of the Red Sea, their enemy was still chasing them. In response to this tactic of the enemy, the Bible explicitly says that God caused the wheels to come off the enemy's chariots. Meaning the thing that was chasing them couldn't chase them any longer! God was saying through this action, “You can now stand still and see My salvation.” They got the opportunity just to stand still and watch God go to work!

Our God has a way of making old things pass away and making everything new again. We become born again in Christ Jesus, and the result of that monumental event is that things that used to have a hold on us – God takes the wheels off of it. That hurt, habit, or hang-up no longer has permission to chase us. We can stop running!

What’s chasing you? Have you acknowledged that the thing that was chasing you might not be chasing you anymore? Maybe it’s time to consider being still and watch God go to work?

I invite you to view this message in its entirety at this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABgZzWZtqHs

We want to connect with you and help you take your next steps!

1. Do you have a relationship with Jesus? This decision is the first step in receiving peace in your life. If you are ready to give your life to Jesus, we would love to celebrate with you at 3trees.com.
   

2. Do you need to rededicate your life to Jesus? If yes, please connect with us at 3trees.com.
   

3. Do you feel God prompting you to take your next steps? If yes, BEGIN is waiting for you! You can walk through our ONLINE BEGIN class at 3trees.com/begin
   

4. Would you like to make a difference in our community? Join our captivate team! Visit 3trees.com to find out how you can participate in community outreach opportunities.
   

5. Subscribe to EricGilbert.org using this link: https://www.ericgilbert.org/subscribe. You’ll be able to receive updates directly to your email inbox as we post blogs every Monday, Thursday, and Friday morning.

WATCH IT | DISCUSSION GUIDE| MESSAGE NOTES